You are… I mean, I don’t want to be rude to you, sir. Carr followed this up with his second special, The Best Of, Ultimate, Gold, Greatest Hits in 2019 – recorded at Dublin's Olympia Theatre. -[audience agrees] Yeah, I mean, I don’t wanna be crude… Well, I do wanna be crude, but not till later on. So gaydar is the voice in your head that, when you meet a gay guy, goes, “Oh, a gay guy.” If you say out loud, “Bummer on the loose! Jeremy Kyle, would you believe her then?

I laugh on an in, not an out. They help people to meet people. I’ll be on trains, in bars, hotels, wherever I happen to be. He did not.

Love the cinema. It’s… Even after five years in a loving relationship with a beautiful woman, it’s still too awkward a conversation. Is anyone here a Christian? Well, very nice to have you in. They have a satirical magazine in France, and they tell jokes. Jimmy Carr began presenting Channel 4's 8 Out Of 10 Cats in 2005, as well as its popular spin-off 8 Out Of 10 Cats Does Countdown in 2012. It starts well and ends horrifically.

Now, key thing I was not made aware of, it’s got to be the dog’s ass. Especially like that. A nurse finds a rectal thermometer in her pocket and thinks, “Some asshole’s got my pen.”. SW11 1TT. No es que no sea gracioso porque sea humor negro, es que no es gracioso porque parece preocuparse más de la barrabasada que de que realmente sea ingenioso. Are you all on the social networking sites? More details at “Went to my daughter’s netball finals the other day! Day12345678910111213141516171819202122232425262728293031MonthJanuaryFebruaryMarchAprilMayJuneJulyAugustSeptemberOctoberNovemberDecemberYear1965196619671968196919701971197219731974197519761977197819791980198119821983198419851986198719881989199019911992199319941995199619971998199920002001. [audience laughing and applauding] I’m sure Andreas won’t mind me sharing that with the group. You can tell when you’ve annoyed someone middle class ’cause they get a bit bobbly-headed. “I became a proud dad today. So it should be 50-50, the sort of proportion of comedians on stage. That is a… What do you do? You could end up glazing your mum like a doughnut. It’s funny.” Is it okay to say something that’s 100% wrong if it’s funny enough? Last time we had a white Christmas, I made snow angels. They can try and sort of chat ’em up, try and pick ’em up, ultimately, try and shag them. So February, and what’s the exact date? British comedian Jimmy Carr unleashes his deadpan delivery and wickedly funny one-liners to a sold-out audience at the UK's Hammersmith Apollo. He simply took over Peter Kay's family friendly persona to line his pockets without taking the odd risk with some edgier comedy or profanity which would have tarnished his image. he has the same last name as my moms maiden  name so i choose to believe he's my asshole estranged uncle. It could be a mood thing. And someone’s just said, “Does he have a beard?” [audience laughing] [applauding], Listen, I’ve been Jimmy Carr.

Any cookies that may not be particularly necessary for the website to function and is used specifically to collect user personal data via analytics, ads, other embedded contents are termed as non-necessary cookies. -[women] Whoo! They’re called single women. The ARCAM corporation's Spriggan agents must keep them out of the wrong hands. Y bueno, los chistes cuñaos, machistas y rancios son para echarles de comer aparte. Fuck! I mean, the bad news is, when a 747 crashes or blows up, everyone dies. Thank you very much indeed. I've been a fan of Jimmy Carr for many years now and latterly found his more vulgar humour on 8 Out of 10 Cats Does Countdown extremely funny. I’ll show you what I mean. The classic, of course, “Mum! Southport Theatre and Convention Centre - Southport. Five families of magicians sworn to protect our world must battle an enemy who's picking them off one by one. I mean, you’d watch it, but you’d watch it thinking, “Joseph, mug. If anything, that’s a societal problem. Here’s my view on immigration. ‘Cause the population is 50-50. -[audience applauding] Whenever I see footage of a mosque… Can anyone else feel a tension in the room? Where are you? The book is called Only Joking: What's So Funny About Making People Laugh? -You work in a gym? What month? You’re an accountant? Boasting a strong education, including graduating with first class honours from the prestigious University of Cambridge, Carr turned his attention to stand-up, cementing his characteristic blend of dark and intelligent humour. You’ve had a disaster. We think of the same funny things to say in life. There’s something you can get, gentlemen, if you have, or you perceive that you have, a small penis. In 2003 he returned to the Scottish capital for a sold-out month-long run, presenting his Charm Offensive show. The thing that’s annoying about straight men, as well, it’s all about surface. My son is actually four, but he was a boring little cunt for the first three years.” [laughing] There’s a ring of truth there, isn’t there? How do they get all those drugs into our jails? This category only includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the website. “What’s the difference between three cocks and a joke? Embarrassing Bodies? -Oh, there’s one over there? If I were 12, sexist, racist and homophobic I’d have given this 5 stars... but guess what? Well, you say that, but it’s not like 100% wrong where you’ll go, “What are you like? You can’t see it, but this is… I mean, they’re like different species. I should say that early on. They all go, “Whoa! Twenty-sixth. I can’t ask your age ’cause you’re a lady, but, um, how much do you weigh? And they shouldn’t be facilitating that kind of madness on what is normally a very socially responsible show. How have you done that? Well, that’s… Okay, that’s when a lady’s going down on you, and you decide, “I’m not having enough fun.

I overheard these two men having a conversation. “What’s going on there?” You then kick her in the shin. Your mum can’t take a joke.”

I’ve got a question for everyone in here. What was he hoping for? He’s all right. Well, men don’t really have that gear. She’s five months pregnant and ginger.” [audience laughing] [laughing] Where’s the ginger pregnant lady?
We’re about to take off.” He said, “No, I’m getting off.” They said, “What’s the problem?” He said, “Woman driver.” What a fucking lunatic! How can we get in touch?” I mean, I get it. When the world is ravaged by a cataclysmic event, Gus — part deer, part boy — joins a band of humans and animal-children hybrids in search of answers. You care? Well done, me. I heard one man say to another, “You can’t park in a disabled bay, you spastic!” [audience laughing] Shut the front door!

[Jimmy laughing] If you don’t think the comedy’s started, you’re right. “Can you stop dissing my dad? They were sitting sort of front and centre. Booking Policy: But it’s so clearly a joke. -[scattered cheers] -A few nurses?
Fun fact for you. Give us a shout, all of you. Go on, what, what… Is it a big birthday? She was really aroused.” Boring. You would? You’re 100% right not to. “Hope they make it.” Any others? Registered Office: 2nd Floor, Norfolk House, 47 Upper Parliament Street, Nottingham, NG1 2AB. Embarrassing Bodies? Thank you. How could you be that right and that wrong that quickly?

Pride and Prejudice. [audience gasps and laughs] Who has garlic mayo and chilli sauce? I’m happy to explain any and all of these as we go through. “Spaghetti” is, I believe, the term. Congratulations, guys. [audience] Pisces. I don’t want to go into too much in the way of detail. Feed line, punch line, laugh.

Clearly too fast. Let’s say, if a man… You or I, sir, let’s say, if a man sleeps with loads and loads of women.

Okay. The good news is you don’t have to listen to the safety announcement. I failed the oral. I’m just trying to make you laugh. And if the show’s not for you, it’s not for you. Rub your penis without the cream, it’ll get bigger.” That is the nature of rubbing and penises. I’ll tell you what one man said to another man, we’ll all have a laugh, and we’ll move on with our lives.

Some people think it’s good luck if a bird shits on them. Sign up to get first access to pre-sale tickets! -[audience] Yeah! What’s your date of birth? Satu jam set-nya berisi gabungan antara materi-materi one liner khas Jimmy Carr dengan interaksinya yang brilian ke penonton. Can’t go wrong with geriatric, can you? Famed for his award-winning stand-up and TV presenting roles, comedian Jimmy Carr celebrates an illustrious career spanning across two decades. [David] I’m good. Compared to that, phrase doesn’t seem as bad now, does it? It’s his own fault, really. Terrible things that might have affected you or people you know and love. “I wouldn’t pay £200 to have a lentil on my face.” [laughing] The Lego Movie.” [audience cheering] “Don’t let them take the piss out of your clothes, Jimmy. Who’s getting married?

-I kind of– -[loud noise] [audience laughing] [laughing] That was properly Tourette’s-y. Fuck it, you’re fine. Proper fucking jokes in this show. I know there’s nurses.