If only humans were merely “useless.” What other species has caused so much harm and threatens the very existence of so many other species? You Decide! Because without the whole swim bladder thing, if the ocean pushes over THE THINNEST BUT LARGEST MOST TOPPLE-ABLE FISH ON THE PLANET, shit outta luck! Some scientists have speculated that when they do that, they are absorbing energy from the sun because no one fucking knows how they manage to get any real energy to begin with. You know, the one thing that every fish has to make sure it doesn’t just sink to the bottom of the ocean when they stop moving and can stay the right side up. And it’s not like an ~ironic~ thing, I mean it IS hilarious to me and they ARE THE BIGGEST JOKE PLAYED ON EARTH but I seriously fucking hate them. ), Share the post "Ocean Sunfish are the most useless animal (an epic rant)". Something for everyone interested in hair, makeup, style, and body positivity. begins the retort. SO WHAT DOES IT DO? To perpetuate the truth and stand up for ethical journalism, I’m posting it here. They are the world’s largest boney fish, weighing up to 5,000 pounds. And since they have very little girth, that just makes them these absolutely giant fucking dinner plates that God must have accidentally dropped while washing dishes one day and shrugged his shoulders at because no one could have imagined this would happen. What could have happened! He asked to share it, and we were both very surprised when it went viral. Sunfish aren't drifters, and are active swimmers, controlling where they go with as much thrust as a penguin. bc i agree. pic.twitter.com/gPPAtYLqua — David Masad (@badnetworker) February 8, … But, we’re not here to talk about that video. The rant – which you've probably seen if you spend much time on Facebook – listed myriad reasons why the sunfish is actually "the biggest joke played on Earth". Lister called the rant “fantastic” for its artistry, “It’s well thought through for the most part, but largely flawed.”, “A lot of what Scout posted is accurate but her viewpoint on it all is somewhat biased against them,” the scientist said.”[But] apart from the fact that sunfish are decently powerful swimmers using those massive fins, it isn’t far off the mark at all.”, According to Lister, the sunfish is actually pretty well suited to survive. Brad Esposito is a news reporter for BuzzFeed and is based in Sydney, Australia. My research uses DNA sequencing and genomics to study microbial eukaryotes (yeah, nematodes!) Then a marine biologist responded. “[She] has no idea what she’s talking about!” his friend Zenia Sherman said. According to the marine biologist, any animal that eats mainly jellyfish is helping the environment, because overfishing of the ocean has led to a huge increase in the amount of the squidgy jelly animals. Ocean Sunfish Rant. Reporting on what you care about. Sunfish have also been proven to have learning behaviors, which means they can adapt to their changing surroundings (also smart). The biologist concludes by saying Burns is "just a hateful, ill-informed, little (especially when compared to a sunfish) man [sic]". Contact Brad Esposito at [email protected]. Luckily Byron sustained no injuries. As much as they can get to 5,000 pounds too, it is very unlikely that will happen now. Despite being observed in waters all around the world, including in Australia, little was known about the sunfish or its life cycle before the creature achieved its ‘iconic monstrosity’ status, fueled by viral posts and videos. “My friend asked for my thoughts on it, and I’ve always loved fish and thought sunfish are pretty neat because of their odd body shape, so I was happy to ‘defend’ them in an equally humorous way; it was a nice distraction from studying. All the news on the Earth's largest environment. “The classification of the species from the genus Mola has long been confused, despite the large amount of interest these fishes create. The response was as intense as the rant itself. Similar idea to the Rhinos and Oxpeckers. EVERY POUND OF THAT IS A WASTED POUND AND EVERY FOOT OF IT (10 FT BY 14 FT) IS WASTED SPACE. Agree with Bob and other pelagic researchers… molas are awesome, fast, predators that given their numbers and chosen prey must play an integral role in the open ocean ecosystem. EXCEPT. EXCEPT. That fact had never been confirmed before as the larvae share no features with their bigger, bonier elders. Someone wrote this angry, misinformed rant about the Ocean Sunfish, and it’s now spreading all over facebook.It’s kind of a good example of how ignorance can be popular, if it’s loud and nasty enough. “Nothing else looks like it, and it’s been around for millions of years! Ocean Sunfish is one of the heaviest bony fish builds currently playable. This build is part of the Teraodontidae guild which also includes Pufferfish and Filefish. Sunfish have also been proven to have learning behaviors, which means they can adapt to their changing surroundings (also smart). "That dude [dude] has no idea what he's talking about!" Seals have been seen playing with their fins like frisbees. When they get stuck on top of the water! “Jellyfish aren’t exactly motorized so it can eat its way through them pretty well. However, Scout Burns made a now-viral Facebook post that said it shouldn’t even exist in the first place. Adapt — remix, transform, and build upon the material. And since they have very little girth, that just makes them these absolutely giant fucking dinner plates that God must have accidentally dropped while washing dishes one day and shrugged his shoulders at because no one could have imagined this would happen. Wow! "Not bad for a 5,000 pound fish head with wings. IT IS SO UNAWARE OF LITERALLY FUCKING EVERYTHING THAT IT DOESNT REALIZE THAT IT’S DOING MAYBE THE WORST FUCKING JOB OF BEING A FISH, OR DEBATABLY THE WORST JOB OF BEING A CLUSTER OF CELLS THAN ANY OTHER CLUSTER OF CELLS. the mola mola fish (or ocean sunfish) They are the world's largest boney fish, weighing up to 5,000 pounds. Cass Anderson is Managing Editor of BroBible. And this concludes why I hate the fuck out of this complete failure of evolution, the Ocean Sunfish. Found throughout the world's oceans, ocean sunfish are a cosmopolitan species, being absent only from Arctic and Antarctic waters. And in 2005 it decided to relive its mighty glory days and do it again, this time landing on a four-year-old boy. Terms of Service There are many things I dislike in this world: backseat driving, Texas humidity, candy corn, etc., but I guarantee I don’t hate anything as much as Scout Burns hates the sunfish (or mola mola). Obsessed with travel? Because it jumped onto a boat. 29. “These beautiful giants of the sea are found worldwide in the open ocean of tropical and temperate seas,” Kerryn Parkinson, an Australian Museum fish expert that worked on the discovery, said in a media release. New research from the Australian Museum and Auckland War Memorial Museum has identified that these mammoths of the sea, or “giant floating dinner plates” as Burns cruelly described them in 2017, actually start out as tiny larvae. (only updates new posts), You are free to: It’s also seen floating sideways on the surface, leading many to think it’s dying — it isn’t — and has been implicated in causing accidental boat sinkings. We invite you (or any willing Pelagic researcher) to write a Mola Mola Top Ten List and we will publish it here at Deep Sea News. Pros and cons. Attribution — You must give appropriate credit and indicate if changes were made. They included: the sunfish's "useless" heavy body which can weigh up to 2,250kg (5,000 pounds), their lack of swim bladders (which fish generally need to control their buoyancy so that they don't rise to the ocean's surface), and the fact that they're not even considered food by predators, which instead choose to chew off their fins to play with, for fun.